I received the feedback from the judges of the contest. I’ve listed the highlights for both entries below.

Warlock’s Wake

Here’s what the judge had to say:

The author has a fairly strong command of language. An example of this is found on Page 1: “A creature of nightmares, an ill-begotten bastard of magic and inhuman imagination, the beast was all claws and teeth, nothing but rage and terror given life and form.”

The writer creates interesting questions in the mind of the reader with the following passage: “It had been created only to kill her. It couldn’t be distracted or bargained with. It didn’t stop and didn’t tire.”

Another clear strength that the author exhibits is that of descriptive language. Take this example from Page 12: “Maggots gleamed and writhed in heaps of squirming gluttony.”

The description of the dead bodies was equally effective, though that section lacked somewhat as a dramatic payoff. Granted, it is difficult for the reader to emotionally invest in characters, that, prior to the group’s arrival on scene, were only mentioned and not actually portrayed. Therefore, the author might consider inserting a flashback or two prior to the search party’s discovery. Such a flashback could lock one of the fallen villagers into the mind of the reader, so that when the dead body is shown, the reader might feel at least a little catharsis.

I’m especially interested in this last bit about the flashback, because the prologue that I didn’t send with the chapter is exactly what the judge thinks I need. I’ve often wondered if I should include the prologue or not, and I take this as an indication that I should.

The rest of the judge’s suggestions were less than helpful, since most of them were based on inaccurate assumptions about the rest of the book. For instance, the judge incorrectly guessed the identity of the surviving scout and also assumed that the scout has latent magical powers. Five characters are introduced in the first chapter, and the judge assumed they all survive to become prominent characters in the rest of the book. Most of her suggestions are based on these assumptions and conclusions, and since all of them are inaccurate, I find little merit in her suggestions.

Shadow Infraction
Shadow Infraction was a sci-fi story I wrote two years ago for an “adults only” online community. I wrote it by the seat of my pants, incorporating members of the community as characters in the story. I made it up as I went, writing a few thousand words a day, surprising myself with the way I managed to maintain a cohesive and relatively entertaining storyline despite the fact that I had no idea what would happen next. When I stopped writing it, it was around 35,000 words all told. I fashioned a portion of it into a stand-alone chapter and submitted it as an entry for this contest, just to see what would happen.
Here is what the judge had to say:

Shadow Infraction has the feel and (as it’s quite a visual piece, I’ll dare say it) look of a dark comic or graphic novel. This is not a bad thing. There’s a market for your material.

This submission rated nine outta an impossible ten for style: it knew what it was, and leapt right onto its groove without hesitation or apology. I can’t think of another entry in this year’s Writing Show contest which served up, so hard n’ hot, what it had. Attitude earns points. There’s a direct thrust here that calls to mind good ol’ Chuck Palahniuk.

This submission accomplishes what a surprising number of first chapters did not: it establishes character, setting, conflict and tone, the whole package capped with a hook. In 18 pages, a clear picture Citizen Five/Anubis is displayed and there’s a strong indication of what he’ll do. The story gets right into the gritty action- always good. Too many authors spent the first few pages stretching and warming up, rather than giving it their all right at the sound of the proverbial starter pistol. Well done.

The occasional turn of phrase impressed. “While in High Town, he was nothing but a devil sneaking around heaven in search of a halo.”

The straight-forward, full-on attitude is my favorite element to Shadow Infraction. It is what it is, and with a thunderhead of gusto too.

The judge said the main drawbacks to this first chapter were
It’s entirely visual – should be a script for a graphic novel, not a novel.
Some terms and visuals are cliché sci-fi and need freshened up.
Dialogue needs to be screened for clichés and different characters need different speaking styles.

The judge’s observations are accurate. if I decide to do anything further with this story, I’ll certainly keep them in mind.

Anyway, I’m not bummed about the contest. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? I’ll enjoy the compliments and consider the relevant criticisms, and just keep on keeping on.

AID THE HERETIC IN HIS QUEST! PLEDGE YOUR SUPPORT!

I didn’t win anything in the First Chapter Contest hosted by TheWritingShow.Com, not even an honorable mention. I’m a little disappointed and a little discouraged, but life goes on.

I’m aggravated, too. It annoys me to know that there are so many ill-conceived and poorly-written books in print. These hacks have their names on books, and books on shelves, but I can’t get anyone to give me the time of day.

I know my book is no Pultizer Prize winner, but it is good. The story is captivating and compelling. The characters are detailed people who a reader can relate to, and it’s written with some measure of skill. I’ve had it reviewed by a number of people. One is a professional fiction editor. A few others aren’t even fans of the fantasy genre. Ages have ranged from 21 to 60, with an even mix of male and female readers. Allof them are people I trust to tell me the truth, and the consensus is clear: the book is good. I don’t need them to tell me that. I know the book is good, but it does help to have unanimous supporting opinions in the face of multiple failures and rejections.

Losing the contest doesn’t phase me much. I was hoping to win, because every little bit helps. Losing doesn’t change the fact that this book is going to be published. I’m supposed to get 750 words of feedback on the novel, sometime between now and the 22^nd. It will be interesting to see what they have to say. With any luck, it will be something useful, maybe even a clue to what I’m doing wrong. One can hope.

I’ll end this post with two little rays of sunshine.

This weekend, I’m spending some time researching and compiling a new list of agents to query, and I’m going to re-write my query letters and plot synopsis to accommodate the changes I’ve made in the story structure. Very soon I’ll be sending out the first new queries since Scott Hoffman kicked me in the nuts earlier this summer.

I’ve got another card up my sleeve. It turns out that I have a friend of a friend of a friend who happens to be an editor for a major publishing company, and this editor has agreed to review the novel. I’m trying very hard to keep my hopes down, but it is an excellent opportunity that I can’t pass up.

So worry not, true believers. Just as the Heretic pushes ever onward in his quest for revenge, so do I press forward in my quest for publication. Neither Alexi nor Mary would ever accept defeat, and neither will I.

AID THE HERETIC IN HIS QUEST! PLEDGE YOUR SUPPORT!