I wrote another 2200 hundred words on Heretic last night. That’s the first in many days. I’m going to attempt to write another 2-3000 a day all this week. If I could just get in the groove, I could finish this damn book in a month.

Instead I find myself fooling with web sites, goofing off in chat, watching TV with my girl friend, writing silly crap, and vying for popularity in the blog community. I drool every time I think about ES4: Oblivion. It will be in my hands in six days. I worry about bills, about taxes, about the National Guard, about my weight, about my lack of employment… It all just kills any urge I have to write.

But I’m doing better this week. I’m back on track for now, at least. With any luck I’ll hit the 80000 word mark by this weekend, and I’ll finally be able to say I am more than half done.

I haven’t gotten much done on the novel. Part of it is because I need to take the characters to a new city, and I’m having trouble getting my head wrapped around the way the city looks and operates. Part of it is because I’ve been blogging a lot, and also fooling around with some web stuff. I’ll get back on track with the book soon. I think the thing with the book agents kinda deflated my sails too. I was looking forward to getting the ball rolling.

I submitted my entries for the 2006 WV Writer’s Competition today. I entered material in 9 of 12 categories. Postage and entry fees set me back $75. If I can win 3rd place in at least one category, I’ll break even. The bummer is that I have to wait until JUNE to know if I won or not.

I tell myself that it won’t matter if I don’t win anything, but that’s a lie. If I cannot place at least 3rd in at least one category, it will shake my confidence all the way down to my core. That’s the double-edged nature of writing. You can’t know if you are good unless you put your work out for others to read and judge. There is always the very real risk that you will be rejected, and it may mean that your writing simply did not interest the people who read it, and it might mean that your writing just isn’t any good. On the other hand, just because one person likes it, that doesn’t mean your writing is good. That one person might have been interested enough in the topic to overlook bad writing.

I maintain hope because I have shown my writing to lots of people, and most of them seemed to like it. Teachers, family, and friends have told me for years that I should be a writer, that I have talent. I have had some small success with publishing, and I once was a guest reader for the Blennerhassset Reading Series. That was an awesome experience for me, to have a handful of people listen to my every word and to applaud when I finished. It felt really good.

Well, the next step is to get a reliable internet connection at the house, research a few more book agents online, and send out my book for the REAL test. I hope anyone who reads this will wish me luck and keep me in their prayers.